I might have had a slight break down today. I was slightly sore from my yoga practice yesterday, and my mood felt heavy. My morning mantra was, “I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail. I won’t have the will power to do yoga for the next 29 days and I will fail.” I find though, my true concerns tend to surface while I do yoga.
I’m not worried so much about not fulfilling my commitment to practice Ashtanga yoga this month. I FEEL STUCK. I have no job, no prospects, and no idea what I should do. That’s scary and overwhelming for me. I talked to my Mom a little about everything going on. It turns out I had been bottling up a lot of frustrations for too long.
I finally understand what my friend Carly meant several years ago when she said, “I don’t want you to try and fix my problems. I just need someone to listen.” I have a natural inclination to try and fix people’s problems, especially if they come to me to talk. Sometimes, however, they don’t need advice. They just need someone to listen.
That’s how I felt most of today. Thankfully, my Mom is very understanding.
God is very understanding as well. He helped me in a very subtle way. My Mom and I, right after I broke down and gushed about my feelings, went into the store Five Below. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. In fact, I was trying to distract myself and pull my thoughts together.
But then I found Johanna Wright’s journal The Magic of Mindset and I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought, “Thank Goodness I found you. I just need someone to listen.” I don’t believe it was a coincidence. I think God was looking out for me.
Anyway, after reading through the first few pages of the journal, I felt better about doing my yoga practice in the evening. Today for yoga, I was a lot kinder to myself. I still pushed myself hard, but at times I took time to be still and present in my breathing.
I think that is the real theme for today. It’s okay not to have all the answers right now. Yoga still hurt in a lot of ways but I was able to take time to accept my insecurities. The first step towards overcoming any problem is actually identifying there is a problem.
Thank you all for reading! See you tomorrow!